– Johann Sebastian Bach
Bach’s Musical Bitch Slap
Concert master of King August of Saxony in 1717, Jean Baptiste Volumier, had a problem…
It was all the rage for the elite to have the best musicians playing at their court and parties, King August considered his to be the best.
Hearing of a harpsichordist named Louis Marchand that was wowing audiences all over France, the King invited him to play for his court.
In his performance, Marchand captivated the gathered elite. So good was the performance that the King offered him a generous offer to stay on his court!
Having new competition didn’t sit well with Volumier, a musical smack down was in order…
Volumier, being a violinist, was not able to directly challenge the piano playing Marchand. What to do? Volumier sends for his buddy, his buddy just happened to be Bach…
Ambrotype Musician Man Playing Violin While Smoking Pipe
“nanny-goat bassoon player”
– Johann Sebastian Bach’s insult to a bassoon player he pulled a sword on and tried to duel in his 20’s!
Not a stranger to musical smack down, Johann Sebastian Bach came at once.
Hiding, Bach listened to one of Marchand’s performances. At the after party reception, not impressed, Bach and crew approached Marchand…
Bach’s call to action in front of the whole party? A Duel…
Not just any duel, a musical duel of crafty delight…
In a letter outlining the rules, it would be a dueling piano showdown for the ages… In a series of musical tasks, they would duel back and forth. The events would including themes to improvise and styles to imitate called out by the opposing player…
Marchand would accept the duel with Bach and the stage was set for the musical event of the century…
When the day of the duel arrived, the elite were gathering. Marchand fearing humiliation secretly boarded a stagecoach. This stagecoach would flee the city leaving Marchand in shame and Volumier a happy man…
Bach the victor, performed an impromptu set for the gathered elite, stunning the crowd to spread the tale of his unmatched victory.
“Pongileoni’s bowing and the scraping of the anonymous fiddlers had shaken the air in the great hall, had set the glass of the windows looking onto it vibrating: and thus in turn had shaken the air in Lord Edward’s apartment on the further side. The shaking air rattled Lord Edward’s membrane tympani; the interlocked malleus, incus, and stirrup bones were set in motion so as to agitate the membrane of the oval window and raise an infinitesimal storm in the fluid of the labyrinth. The hairy endings of the auditory nerve shuddered like weeds in a rough sea; a vast number of obscure miracles were performed in the brain, and Lord Edwards ecstatically whispered “Bach!””
-Aldous Huxley, Point Counter Point (1928)
Johann Sebastian Bach playing the organ, circa 1725